I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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