He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
