So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
