I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bring me that man meat
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
