i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
