Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
