We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
