we have officially lost it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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