My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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