I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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