Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
