Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
