either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
