you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
