I'm eating all of the evidence.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
