I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
