Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
