it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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