My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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