so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
