just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
