walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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