The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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