My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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