and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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