i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
