This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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