im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
