my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
