about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize