He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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