eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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