dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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