She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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