I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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