You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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