She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
