got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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