so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
