I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
