I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just high enough for therapy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
