yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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