Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it