we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.