i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober