So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.