Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.