i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
