Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
