You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're so committed to being not committed