Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
