I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
