My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
