We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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