You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
