He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
