Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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