I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
