we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize