You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
