our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
