I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
