How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
