Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
