she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
