You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize